i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize