There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
