I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
