so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
