"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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