No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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