girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
