I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
