wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
