I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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