Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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