Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
