i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
