I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
