When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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