so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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