you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Did I show you my penis last night?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
