you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
