SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
