In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
