mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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