I'm lost and stupid without you.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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