I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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