Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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