The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
