Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
