Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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