how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found a bag of teeth...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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