its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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