I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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