STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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