Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
