i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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