so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
