found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
