so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
