I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
