i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
