When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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