chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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