im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize