No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
