Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The feeling are messing with the penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
