and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
