Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I pour the whiskey from now on
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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