I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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