im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
