Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
