she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He did a backflip because drugs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
