how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
