i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
