period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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