He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize