I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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