My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
