The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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