Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
