dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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