Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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