If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
