Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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