His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
