In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
