I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
