It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
