Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
