You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize