I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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