i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
