Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
