Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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